eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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