remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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