I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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