think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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