There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
