I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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