Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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