Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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