I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
