You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
