but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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