my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
