i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
