I smell stomach acid.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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