Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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