i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
