I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
