Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize