Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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