i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
