did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
