I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
