He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
