cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
