I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
