So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
