i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
