I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
