saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sorry my hands just texted you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
