I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
