ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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