I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
