Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
