Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
