i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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