38 yer olds are good kisserssss
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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