You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
