she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize