how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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