i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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