he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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