Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
