Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
