oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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