so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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