Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
