I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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