I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
