remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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