Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
