Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
