brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
