To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
