I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
