I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's always time for handjobs
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
