The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
