How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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