he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
