It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
