the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
