Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize