Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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