I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
