M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
