So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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