i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
