He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
