I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
