I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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