Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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