Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
