just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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