Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
