Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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